Can i rap???????????rhh?

out of 10



my daddy f-u-ck-e,d off , before i hit the earth

so you can imagine , that kinda s-h.i.t hurt

looking at my friends, playing with their paps

so if your a loving father , im paying you props

my mom was only 20, i ended and bust her youth

but she said it, was more rewarding seeing my first tooth

always getting up early,to head to work each day

being a shitty waitor ,carrying a beach tray

my grandad has m-s , but hed always rise above

to collect me from school , as i look with eyes of love

next stop the sweet shop, for a can of coke

robo cop sugar pop , the poor man is broke

the father i never got, hed take his shoes

if i was feeling down , hed brake my blues

always their for me, but now in a wheel chair

now its my turn to prove, that i really care



and then their was my nan , who spoled me material treats

who thought me about life , and our bacterial streets

thought me how to be a man , and right from wrong

but shed accept my decison , to light this bong

me and mommy moved out , when i was either five or six

now she was on her own , could she survive the kicks

as she parted her parents , moving to a quiet house

which was also the residence , for a many a white mouse

us we wernt the richest , but who really cares

because we would rather, have eachother than be billionaires

so lets do the mathimatics , my father never needed him

look what i have acheved, already exceeded him

if he went to one of games , hed see i was offencily skilled

ball hitting the back of the net , as i had the defence killed



should i finish



be truthful



also do you like my name im irish so changed it from irisCan i rap???????????rhh?your lyrics r wonderful but we need to hear ur voice!
Can i rap???????????rhh?
put it on youtube, then let em decide
Can i rap???????????rhh?
Likin' the lyrics, pretty heartfelt. Technically speaking your rhymes aren't all too amazing but I suppose that's something that comes in time. In terms of content I was very impressed and from the first line I can tell how this song is very personal to you and how honest your lyrics are about growing up and family. Your content is strong and you have the right idea but if you had some more metaphors and multi-syllable lyrics it would be even more impressive. Nice job though!