out of 10
my daddy f-u-ck-e,d off , before i hit the earth
so you can imagine , that kinda s-h.i.t hurt
looking at my friends, playing with their paps
so if your a loving father , im paying you props
my mom was only 20, i ended and bust her youth
but she said it, was more rewarding seeing my first tooth
always getting up early,to head to work each day
being a shitty waitor ,carrying a beach tray
my grandad has m-s , but hed always rise above
to collect me from school , as i look with eyes of love
next stop the sweet shop, for a can of coke
robo cop sugar pop , the poor man is broke
the father i never got, hed take his shoes
if i was feeling down , hed brake my blues
always their for me, but now in a wheel chair
now its my turn to prove, that i really care
and then their was my nan , who spoled me material treats
who thought me about life , and our bacterial streets
thought me how to be a man , and right from wrong
but shed accept my decison , to light this bong
me and mommy moved out , when i was either five or six
now she was on her own , could she survive the kicks
as she parted her parents , moving to a quiet house
which was also the residence , for a many a white mouse
us we wernt the richest , but who really cares
because we would rather, have eachother than be billionaires
so lets do the mathimatics , my father never needed him
look what i have acheved, already exceeded him
if he went to one of games , hed see i was offencily skilled
ball hitting the back of the net , as i had the defence killed
should i finish
be truthful
also do you like my name im irish so changed it from irisCan i rap???????????rhh?your lyrics r wonderful but we need to hear ur voice!Can i rap???????????rhh?put it on youtube, then let em decideCan i rap???????????rhh?Likin' the lyrics, pretty heartfelt. Technically speaking your rhymes aren't all too amazing but I suppose that's something that comes in time. In terms of content I was very impressed and from the first line I can tell how this song is very personal to you and how honest your lyrics are about growing up and family. Your content is strong and you have the right idea but if you had some more metaphors and multi-syllable lyrics it would be even more impressive. Nice job though!
Friday, 16 September 2011
Rate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?
out of 10
my daddy f-u-ck-e,d off , before i hit the earth
so you can imagine , that kinda s-h.i.t hurt
looking at my friends, playing with their paps
so if your a loving father , im paying you props
my mom was only 20, i ended and bust her youth
but she said it, was more rewarding seeing my first tooth
always getting up early,to head to work each day
being a shitty waitor ,carrying a beach tray
my grandad has m-s , but hed always rise above
to collect me from school , as i look with eyes of love
next stop the sweet shop, for a can of coke
robo cop sugar pop , the poor man is broke
the father i never got, hed take his shoes
if i was feeling down , hed brake my blues
always their for me, but now in a wheel chair
now its my turn to prove, that i really care
and then their was my nan , who spoled me material treats
who thought me about life , and our bacterial streets
thought me how to be a man , and right from wrong
but shed accept my decison , to light this bong
me and mommy moved out , when i was either five or six
now she was on her own , could she survive the kicks
as she parted her parents , moving to a quiet house
which was also the residence , for a many a white mouse
us we wernt the richest , but who really cares
because we would rather, have eachother than be billionaires
so lets do the mathimatics , my father never needed him
look what i have acheved, already exceeded him
if he went to one of games , hed see i was offencily skilled
ball hitting the back of the net , as i had the defence killed
should i finish
be truthful
also do you like my name im irish so changed it from irisRate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?Serious rapping mate. Put that to the right beat and you got some raw emotion. Yes finish, it's good. 7/10.. it's good but it's not as good as it could beRate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
CHECK THAT OUT, it will help ...
People to see you copied this rapRate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?7/10
Try to go more complex and don't go for 4 or more syllable multies that puts off the readerThat's a 6.5/10
It's that first line that I just couldn't figure out
I'd finish. Then go back and fix that first lineyour rhyming style reminds me of cam'ron a lot, and his early tracks like on confessions of fire, he had that kind of content too. id give it 7/10, judging by the fact an average rap is 5/10 in my book this is pretty good, definately finish it....
my daddy f-u-ck-e,d off , before i hit the earth
so you can imagine , that kinda s-h.i.t hurt
looking at my friends, playing with their paps
so if your a loving father , im paying you props
my mom was only 20, i ended and bust her youth
but she said it, was more rewarding seeing my first tooth
always getting up early,to head to work each day
being a shitty waitor ,carrying a beach tray
my grandad has m-s , but hed always rise above
to collect me from school , as i look with eyes of love
next stop the sweet shop, for a can of coke
robo cop sugar pop , the poor man is broke
the father i never got, hed take his shoes
if i was feeling down , hed brake my blues
always their for me, but now in a wheel chair
now its my turn to prove, that i really care
and then their was my nan , who spoled me material treats
who thought me about life , and our bacterial streets
thought me how to be a man , and right from wrong
but shed accept my decison , to light this bong
me and mommy moved out , when i was either five or six
now she was on her own , could she survive the kicks
as she parted her parents , moving to a quiet house
which was also the residence , for a many a white mouse
us we wernt the richest , but who really cares
because we would rather, have eachother than be billionaires
so lets do the mathimatics , my father never needed him
look what i have acheved, already exceeded him
if he went to one of games , hed see i was offencily skilled
ball hitting the back of the net , as i had the defence killed
should i finish
be truthful
also do you like my name im irish so changed it from irisRate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?Serious rapping mate. Put that to the right beat and you got some raw emotion. Yes finish, it's good. 7/10.. it's good but it's not as good as it could beRate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?…
CHECK THAT OUT, it will help ...
People to see you copied this rapRate this rap,lots of multis,,,rap hip hop?7/10
Try to go more complex and don't go for 4 or more syllable multies that puts off the readerThat's a 6.5/10
It's that first line that I just couldn't figure out
I'd finish. Then go back and fix that first lineyour rhyming style reminds me of cam'ron a lot, and his early tracks like on confessions of fire, he had that kind of content too. id give it 7/10, judging by the fact an average rap is 5/10 in my book this is pretty good, definately finish it....
Do i have potential,please ansa no one ever does?
out of 10
my daddy f-u-ck-e,d off , before i hit the earth
so you can imagine , that kinda s-h.i.t hurt
looking at my friends, playing with their paps
so if your a loving father , im paying you props
my mom was only 20, i ended and bust her youth
but she said it, was more rewarding seeing my first tooth
always getting up early,to head to work each day
being a shitty waitor ,carrying a beach tray
my grandad has m-s , but hed always rise above
to collect me from school , as i look with eyes of love
next stop the sweet shop, for a can of coke
robo cop sugar pop , the poor man is broke
the father i never got, hed take his shoes
if i was feeling down , hed brake my blues
always their for me, but now in a wheel chair
now its my turn to prove, that i really care
and then their was my nan , who spoled me material treats
who thought me about life , and our bacterial streets
thought me how to be a man , and right from wrong
but shed accept my decison , to light this bong
me and mommy moved out , when i was either five or six
now she was on her own , could she survive the kicks
as she parted her parents , moving to a quiet house
which was also the residence , for a many a white mouse
us we wernt the richest , but who really cares
because we would rather, have eachother than be billionaires
so lets do the mathimatics , my father never needed him
look what i have acheved, already exceeded him
if he went to one of games , hed see i was offencily skilled
ball hitting the back of the net , as i had the defence killed
should i finish
be truthful
also do you like my name im irish so changed it from irisDo i have potential,please ansa no one ever does?a little less cussing! porr favor, but over good (:Do i have potential,please ansa no one ever does?Robocop sugarpop???
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
are you on meth?
Ok at best, kinda sketchy.
Lyrics matter but delivery means more.
Ask big and PAC.
Don't ask em to bob their heads,,, grab their eardrums and MAKE them bob their head.
But you kinda suck.
Nothin personal just tru.cs files does anyone know what
my daddy f-u-ck-e,d off , before i hit the earth
so you can imagine , that kinda s-h.i.t hurt
looking at my friends, playing with their paps
so if your a loving father , im paying you props
my mom was only 20, i ended and bust her youth
but she said it, was more rewarding seeing my first tooth
always getting up early,to head to work each day
being a shitty waitor ,carrying a beach tray
my grandad has m-s , but hed always rise above
to collect me from school , as i look with eyes of love
next stop the sweet shop, for a can of coke
robo cop sugar pop , the poor man is broke
the father i never got, hed take his shoes
if i was feeling down , hed brake my blues
always their for me, but now in a wheel chair
now its my turn to prove, that i really care
and then their was my nan , who spoled me material treats
who thought me about life , and our bacterial streets
thought me how to be a man , and right from wrong
but shed accept my decison , to light this bong
me and mommy moved out , when i was either five or six
now she was on her own , could she survive the kicks
as she parted her parents , moving to a quiet house
which was also the residence , for a many a white mouse
us we wernt the richest , but who really cares
because we would rather, have eachother than be billionaires
so lets do the mathimatics , my father never needed him
look what i have acheved, already exceeded him
if he went to one of games , hed see i was offencily skilled
ball hitting the back of the net , as i had the defence killed
should i finish
be truthful
also do you like my name im irish so changed it from irisDo i have potential,please ansa no one ever does?a little less cussing! porr favor, but over good (:Do i have potential,please ansa no one ever does?Robocop sugarpop???
Hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
are you on meth?
Ok at best, kinda sketchy.
Lyrics matter but delivery means more.
Ask big and PAC.
Don't ask em to bob their heads,,, grab their eardrums and MAKE them bob their head.
But you kinda suck.
Nothin personal just tru.
Rc Nitro wheels move when the car is in neutral. the clutch is fine please help ???
hi there i have a 1:10 nitro gas car. it has 18cxp vertex engine. When i start the car the wheel start to spin really fast in neutral, i can stop this by applying the brake. I have checked the clutch shoes and they are prefectly fine. I closed the throttle by adjusting the idle screw this how ever slowed down the wheels moving but the car started to hesitate and the noise changes as if the engine was going to shut off on me?? what other needled do i need to adjust in ordered to stop the wheel moving in neutral ??Rc Nitro wheels move when the car is in neutral. the clutch is fine please help ???Couldn't tell you how to fix it mine did the same till i got a new OS 18 engine that seemed to fix all the problems i was having. T-Maxx
My rc wheels move in neutral why could this be ???
hi there i have a 1:10 nitro gas car. it has 18cxp vertex engine. When i start the car the wheel start to spin really fast in neutral, i can stop this by applying the brake. I have checked the clutch shoes and they are prefectly fine. I closed the throttle by adjusting the idle screw this how ever slowed down the wheels moving but the car started to hesitate and the noise changes as if the engine was going to shut off on me?? what other needled do i need to adjust in ordered to stop the wheel moving in neutral ??My rc wheels move in neutral why could this be ???All Nitro RC cars when running have some movement of the drive wheels, this is because they all work on a centrifugal clutch. To stop the car moving when started, you need to place the car on a stand so that all wheels are clear of the ground and start it up. Once running turn the idle screw until the engine sounds like it's almost stalling, then turn the screw about 1 - 2 turns the other way. This should be around the optimum running mixture for the car. so only minor adjustments are needed.My rc wheels move in neutral why could this be ???Hi
How about fitting stronger clutch springs?
Very best regards
GeordieMy rc wheels move in neutral why could this be ???Try trimming the clutch shoes,so it will only move at a higher RPM.
How about fitting stronger clutch springs?
Very best regards
GeordieMy rc wheels move in neutral why could this be ???Try trimming the clutch shoes,so it will only move at a higher RPM.
Why cant i walk away?
Ive been w/the same guy for over 7 years, almost 8. We also have a 5 year old together, whom is going to be the 1 they%26#039;ll suffer the most if i do leave. So do I, do i leave a man who never shows me in any way that he cares about me except when he wants sex, then he does a complete turn around %26amp; is the nicest guy. When he%26#039;s not, he is dis-respectful %26amp; he can be so dam cold! He doesn%26#039;t do anything with his son except play ******* video games w/him %26amp; when their doing that it seems like he%26#039;s yelling at our son for not playing the game right. He also gives our son rides on the love of his life (at he time) his go-cart, which he literally works on 24-7. All day %26amp; night he%26#039;s f**king around w/that go-cart. He doesn%26#039;t do anything with me or our son together as a family, EVER!! He doesn%26#039;t even barley spend holidays w/us. He doesn%26#039;t ever take us anywhere, we never do anything fun. My folks have bought every single piece of clothing my son has ever had! %26amp; so much more! But ofcorse he doesn%26#039;t acknowledge any of it! My folks have helped us out SO much %26amp; he acts like its nothing! I don%26#039;t even know if he%26#039;s ever even thanked them, for anything! He is a mean man with major anger issues that he denies. Yes he has hit me, %26amp; i told myself i would Leave him if it ever happened again, this last time was the worst %26amp; yet i still stayed! I don%26#039;t know why %26amp; I hate myself for not being stronger but he%26#039;s got a hold over me that i cant explain. The few times he%26#039;s given me something (out of no where) he always took them back, other than that he never has given me flowers not even a card on our anniversary, all 7 of %26#039;em! ! Actually he%26#039;s given me 3 things for my bday %26amp; xmas that i was able to keep %26amp; all 3 were the same thing - a gift card, from the same store. Anything else he has given me he ended up taking back with out me knowing %26amp; sold whatever it was, spending the money on himself! He thinks im so ungrateful since he pays the rent with money that he doesn%26#039;t have to do **** for! He doesn%26#039;t have a real job %26amp; what he does do is nothing to be proud of! He blows hundreds of dollars on himself %26amp; his toys yet he cant even give me 200.00 for groceries. when I ask him for gas money, which he drives my truck whenever the hell he wants, he gets all pissy! I cook for this man everyday, i do his laundry %26amp; im always cleaning up after him because he doesn%26#039;t do a dam thing around the house, He doesn%26#039;t even throw his trash in the trash can, He%26#039;s gotten so many parking tickets while driving my truck, that i have credit agency%26#039;s after me now since he refuses to pay them! he%26#039;s gotten us evicted or we were told to leave almost every place we%26#039;ve ever lived. He has literally almost ruined me 7 my life so why the **** cant i walk away? I know i need to leave him for the sake of my son but i don%26#039;t have anyway, any money to do it! I feel stuck %26amp; strapped down without having any strength to brake free! I love the man he was when we 1st started seeing each other, but he%26#039;s long gone %26amp; I know this. I guess i was just hoping i was wrong %26amp; that he would change but they never change, do they?? I know my son is going to hate me when we do leave because he wont understand, the thought of that scares me to death! My son is all i have %26amp; for him to hate me will just make it that much harder!! So please can anyone give me an answer ? can anyone give me any kind of hope? Im scared %26amp; I don%26#039;t know if i have it in me, pathetic isn%26#039;t it? %26amp; to those of u who are ready to insult me in anyway for being weak, just remember u haven%26#039;t walked in my shoes, u have no idea how ive lived my life so don%26#039;t say shitty things please, why would u want to shove someone down in the dirt who is trying to find away out of her situation!Why cant i walk away?I won%26#039;t insult you for being weak, but your boy is 5. Your parents obviously love their grandson, so if I were you, and everything you said is true, I%26#039;d ask your parents if they would provide somehow for a shelter for the boy for a couple of months while you file for divorce. You need to find a place to be also, that%26#039;s stable, even if it%26#039;s with your parents. A non drinking or druggie friend would be ok too. But only send your son with your parents, or the state will take him. As soon as you send him to your parent%26#039;s place, then go to the court the same day and file for divorce and full custody. If he hit you before, he%26#039;ll definately do it when you do this, so you can set it up where you have a witness, webcams work good, neighbors are even better, run outside, so you have witnesses. Tell a neighbor ahead of time. If you are not a drinker or druggie, you can get full custody, and state protection. If you have been arrested in the last 5 years, (the age of your child) then you probably are screwed. Go on my profile, and write to me. I will help you all I can. I got custody of my 2 y/o daughter back in %26#039;82, so I%26#039;m somewhat experienced at this stuff. Back then it was very rare for a man to get custody of his daughter. Her mom was doing what your husband is doing now, so maybe I can help. It%26#039;s really not about you or your husband, it%26#039;s all about your kid.
Please don%26#039;t give me the points, I didn%26#039;t answer this for the attention, I am concerned about you and you son. Give the ten points to someone else.Why cant i walk away?I am truly sorry for your situation. I%26#039;m a father and I don%26#039;t know why anyone would rather play with a go-cart than my kids, but who knows what%26#039;s going on in his head. My mother in law is in your shoes. She%26#039;s been with my father in law for over 40 years and she%26#039;s been miserable everyday of her life. She wouldn%26#039;t leave because of the kids, money, no family support, and she has no self worth. Let me say first of all hubby needs to do with out for a little while. Tell your parents to stop helping you with money, if he doesn%26#039;t have a job how is he in control of the money? The sex issue needs to be talked about and fast you shouldn%26#039;t have to suffer for his needs you have needs also and I know our needs (husbands and wives) are different. Maybe he doesn%26#039;t know that. Start getting involved with the go-cart maybe, ask questions about it, ride it with him and your son, do some research about the motor. If he doesn%26#039;t seem to want to be involved it%26#039;s maybe because he doesn%26#039;t know how. Let me say guys are pretty dumb for the most part we need a lot of training you just have to make it seem like we made ourselves smarter while you hold the puppet strings. Don%26#039;t make threats to him and promises to yourself that don%26#039;t get made. If you keep doing it things will never change. Life is hard and some times you have to hit it just as hard as it%26#039;s hit you. I have discovered the power of Oprah after fighting her for years she has won and wow what a new world I live in. We can change I promise we just need the right strings to be pulled for us. I hope you find one thing in here that might help you along the way.
Please don%26#039;t give me the points, I didn%26#039;t answer this for the attention, I am concerned about you and you son. Give the ten points to someone else.Why cant i walk away?I am truly sorry for your situation. I%26#039;m a father and I don%26#039;t know why anyone would rather play with a go-cart than my kids, but who knows what%26#039;s going on in his head. My mother in law is in your shoes. She%26#039;s been with my father in law for over 40 years and she%26#039;s been miserable everyday of her life. She wouldn%26#039;t leave because of the kids, money, no family support, and she has no self worth. Let me say first of all hubby needs to do with out for a little while. Tell your parents to stop helping you with money, if he doesn%26#039;t have a job how is he in control of the money? The sex issue needs to be talked about and fast you shouldn%26#039;t have to suffer for his needs you have needs also and I know our needs (husbands and wives) are different. Maybe he doesn%26#039;t know that. Start getting involved with the go-cart maybe, ask questions about it, ride it with him and your son, do some research about the motor. If he doesn%26#039;t seem to want to be involved it%26#039;s maybe because he doesn%26#039;t know how. Let me say guys are pretty dumb for the most part we need a lot of training you just have to make it seem like we made ourselves smarter while you hold the puppet strings. Don%26#039;t make threats to him and promises to yourself that don%26#039;t get made. If you keep doing it things will never change. Life is hard and some times you have to hit it just as hard as it%26#039;s hit you. I have discovered the power of Oprah after fighting her for years she has won and wow what a new world I live in. We can change I promise we just need the right strings to be pulled for us. I hope you find one thing in here that might help you along the way.
Can you proofread my essay?
This is my second draft, I just need you to read over it and tell me if it is understandable, if I have any sentence structure mistakes and all that. Also, tell me if I need to elaborate more in certain areas. I will give best answer to the most helpful answer!
Here's the topic:
%26quot;Write about something that happened to you, or that you did, that you never want to forget. How have your feelings about this event changed?%26quot;
* When I was younger, and still lived in Mexico, I loved going to a town called Talamantes. It was about half an hour away from my home. About twenty minutes it was a regular paved road, and the rest was a dirt road. My dad and my mom would sometimes let me drive, but as I was too short to reach the gas, I would seat on their laps. So basically all I did was turn the wheel, but it could not be more fun. The road was a little bumpy, from the rain, but still I loved every single moment. An aunt and uncle of my father lived there, and they had this very modest home, but their property was large. They had a sown field, where they would grow alfalfa, oats, and corn. They also had a few animals, I believe it was about five cows, three pigs, and several chickens. But my favourite part was the irrigation ditch, where Ilka and I would spend so much time. Ilka is my cousin, she and her mother lived there as well, but her mom worked in the city, so Ilka would stay alone with her grandparents all the time. Ilka and I were really good friends, we would play for hours with our Barbie dolls, and we would go to the irrigation ditch and swim, or fish the charalito fish, to later set them free.
* Sometimes we would go on to the neighbours鈥?property, which was on the other side of the irrigation ditch. There was an improvised wooden bridge, which I hated because I was always terrified that it would brake, but it never did. We were probably eight or nine years old, and we were always by ourselves, which made it much more fun. We would walk to another small river that we loved. On our way I would admire the tall and beautiful pecan trees, apple trees, and peach trees that were perfectly lined up. Ilka and I would pick pecans and peaches from the ground and ate them as we walked. Once we arrived, we took of our shoes and got into the water. There might have been snakes and spiders, but it never crossed my mind, we were just having fun.
* Ilka鈥檚 grandmother, who was my dad鈥檚 aunt, made the most delicious foods. And what amazed me the most, was that she made it all with stuff they grew on their ranch, or from the animals they had. That was the first time I drank milk from a cow I had petted earlier. Tia Vike, that鈥檚 what we would call her, also made quince jelly, burnt milk fudge, and all sorts of fruits like apples, pears, and peaches with syrup in jars. She would always give my mom a jar of fruit when she came to pick me up. Then we would eat it when we got home, and I would start to count the seconds till I could go back.
* I have not been back there in seven years, and now that I think of it, it has been a very long time. But I cannot, and don want to get the memories out of my head. But something has changed, I am no longer a kid, and that place has probably changed as much as I have. I do not want to go back and see it. I know that it would not change my memories, but it will ruin that magic that as kids we give things, but in my heart, I will always treasure that place, forever.Can you proofread my essay?For %26quot;about twenty minutes%26quot;
Break, not %26quot;brake%26quot;.
Eat %26quot;them as we walked%26quot;.
%26quot;took%26quot; off %26quot;our shoes.%26quot; In the paragraph you're talking about many trips, but in this sentence you switch to one trip. I suggest %26quot;Once we arrived we%26quot; would take off %26quot;our shoes and%26quot; get %26quot;into the water%26quot;.
%26quot;That was the first time I drank milk from a cow I had petted earlier.%26quot; I'd put this sentence before the one before it and change the wording. It's kind off awkward.
Overall you have a lot of run on sentences and you have way, way too many commas. Read up on how to use commas and try to use other punctuation for variety. : ; - ( )
Don't take my criticism the wrong way, it's a really good essay with a lot of meaning. It's also actually interesting to read which almost never happens with school essays.Can you proofread my essay?%26quot;About twenty minutes it was a regular paved road, and the rest was a dirt road. My dad and my mom would sometimes let me drive, but as I was too short to reach the gas, I would seat on their laps.%26quot;
I noticed a few things that could sound better
Here is my correction:
%26quot;For about twenty minutes it was a regular paved road, then the rest was a dirt road. My dad and mom would sometimes let me drive, but as I was too short to reach the gas, I would sit on their laps.%26quot;
And another
%26quot;I believe it was about five cows, three pigs, and several chickens.%26quot;
It could sound better
%26quot;I believe there was about five cows, three pigs and several chickens.%26quot;
And
%26quot;or fish the charalito fish, to later set them free.%26quot;
Could possibly be
%26quot;or fish for charalito fish, and later set them free.%26quot;
Also .. are you sure this is an essay.. Usually essays are based around a particular topic, not writing stories..
The rest is actually very nice.
Another thing though, if you refer to someone as 'mom', maybe you should stick to mom throughout, instead of sometimes calling her mom and then sometimes calling her mother.
Here's the topic:
%26quot;Write about something that happened to you, or that you did, that you never want to forget. How have your feelings about this event changed?%26quot;
* When I was younger, and still lived in Mexico, I loved going to a town called Talamantes. It was about half an hour away from my home. About twenty minutes it was a regular paved road, and the rest was a dirt road. My dad and my mom would sometimes let me drive, but as I was too short to reach the gas, I would seat on their laps. So basically all I did was turn the wheel, but it could not be more fun. The road was a little bumpy, from the rain, but still I loved every single moment. An aunt and uncle of my father lived there, and they had this very modest home, but their property was large. They had a sown field, where they would grow alfalfa, oats, and corn. They also had a few animals, I believe it was about five cows, three pigs, and several chickens. But my favourite part was the irrigation ditch, where Ilka and I would spend so much time. Ilka is my cousin, she and her mother lived there as well, but her mom worked in the city, so Ilka would stay alone with her grandparents all the time. Ilka and I were really good friends, we would play for hours with our Barbie dolls, and we would go to the irrigation ditch and swim, or fish the charalito fish, to later set them free.
* Sometimes we would go on to the neighbours鈥?property, which was on the other side of the irrigation ditch. There was an improvised wooden bridge, which I hated because I was always terrified that it would brake, but it never did. We were probably eight or nine years old, and we were always by ourselves, which made it much more fun. We would walk to another small river that we loved. On our way I would admire the tall and beautiful pecan trees, apple trees, and peach trees that were perfectly lined up. Ilka and I would pick pecans and peaches from the ground and ate them as we walked. Once we arrived, we took of our shoes and got into the water. There might have been snakes and spiders, but it never crossed my mind, we were just having fun.
* Ilka鈥檚 grandmother, who was my dad鈥檚 aunt, made the most delicious foods. And what amazed me the most, was that she made it all with stuff they grew on their ranch, or from the animals they had. That was the first time I drank milk from a cow I had petted earlier. Tia Vike, that鈥檚 what we would call her, also made quince jelly, burnt milk fudge, and all sorts of fruits like apples, pears, and peaches with syrup in jars. She would always give my mom a jar of fruit when she came to pick me up. Then we would eat it when we got home, and I would start to count the seconds till I could go back.
* I have not been back there in seven years, and now that I think of it, it has been a very long time. But I cannot, and don want to get the memories out of my head. But something has changed, I am no longer a kid, and that place has probably changed as much as I have. I do not want to go back and see it. I know that it would not change my memories, but it will ruin that magic that as kids we give things, but in my heart, I will always treasure that place, forever.Can you proofread my essay?For %26quot;about twenty minutes%26quot;
Break, not %26quot;brake%26quot;.
Eat %26quot;them as we walked%26quot;.
%26quot;took%26quot; off %26quot;our shoes.%26quot; In the paragraph you're talking about many trips, but in this sentence you switch to one trip. I suggest %26quot;Once we arrived we%26quot; would take off %26quot;our shoes and%26quot; get %26quot;into the water%26quot;.
%26quot;That was the first time I drank milk from a cow I had petted earlier.%26quot; I'd put this sentence before the one before it and change the wording. It's kind off awkward.
Overall you have a lot of run on sentences and you have way, way too many commas. Read up on how to use commas and try to use other punctuation for variety. : ; - ( )
Don't take my criticism the wrong way, it's a really good essay with a lot of meaning. It's also actually interesting to read which almost never happens with school essays.Can you proofread my essay?%26quot;About twenty minutes it was a regular paved road, and the rest was a dirt road. My dad and my mom would sometimes let me drive, but as I was too short to reach the gas, I would seat on their laps.%26quot;
I noticed a few things that could sound better
Here is my correction:
%26quot;For about twenty minutes it was a regular paved road, then the rest was a dirt road. My dad and mom would sometimes let me drive, but as I was too short to reach the gas, I would sit on their laps.%26quot;
And another
%26quot;I believe it was about five cows, three pigs, and several chickens.%26quot;
It could sound better
%26quot;I believe there was about five cows, three pigs and several chickens.%26quot;
And
%26quot;or fish the charalito fish, to later set them free.%26quot;
Could possibly be
%26quot;or fish for charalito fish, and later set them free.%26quot;
Also .. are you sure this is an essay.. Usually essays are based around a particular topic, not writing stories..
The rest is actually very nice.
Another thing though, if you refer to someone as 'mom', maybe you should stick to mom throughout, instead of sometimes calling her mom and then sometimes calling her mother.
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